


the way i hug my pillow, no woman should

by isengard



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, First Kiss, Slightly Aged up, nagi has a license to romance and hes not afraid to use it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-19 01:11:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20322628
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isengard/pseuds/isengard
Summary: This isdangerous.  Kaoru’s heart is fluttering in her chest wildly, a sensation she often feels around Nagi, that lately has been getting worse and worse.  She can hardly stop herself from reaching out and touching him, but theycan’t...theyshouldn’t….





	the way i hug my pillow, no woman should

**Author's Note:**

> written for the 2019 idolish7 flash bang!  
featuring amazing art by the sweet and wonderful [venucifer](http://twitter.com/venucifer)

_I’m outside_, the text says. _Take your time, mon chérie_.

Kaoru blushes, glancing at her suitcase. It’s been packed since last night, in spite of her insistence that she’d never be able to have herself ready in time for the car’s arrival. She can’t blame work, either - she double and triple checked everything with Sousuke until even he was pushing her out the door and telling her not to come to even think about coming back until Monday. It seems that for the next 72 hours, her time is truly her own.

She really can’t believe she let herself get talked into this.

She steps outside, and then immediately wants to turn right around and go back into her building, because waiting for her is not a town car, or even an expensive foreign sports car, which she’d half expected, but a full sized, sleek black _limousine_.

“Oh, God,” she sighs as the driver comes around to take her luggage. “Of all the ridiculous, unnecessary…”

The passenger door opens, and out steps the elegant, frankly dazzling figure of her suitor (_not_ boyfriend, she reminds herself sternly, although that’s getting harder and harder to believably assert).

Nagi bows and takes her hand, giving it a feather-light kiss in greeting. “You look exquisite as always, Kaoru. I’m so glad you could make it.”

He beams at her, and any complaints she might have made die in her throat.

This is how he gets his way, she knows. He’d turned that smile on her when he’d originally proposed this trip, and any attempt she made to turn him down would automatically be rendered futile. It had been on her birthday, which she’d made the mistake of telling him in a moment of weakness a couple of years ago, and though they’d both been working he had found a moment to pull her aside and to present her with his now-customary over-the-top gift. This time it was a voucher for a three day spa package at an _extremely_ exclusive private onsen, something she never would’ve dreamed of purchasing on her own, let alone request the requisite time off for. Nagi had evidently gotten the idea from Tsumugi, who had heard from Gaku how impossible public onsens were for her.

Actually, it was so thoughtful a gesture that it had nearly brought her to tears right there. But they were working, and Kaoru would’ve died if one of the nearby cameramen had seen her cry, so she’d filled her lungs against the throbbing of her maiden heart, and collected herself.

“Nagi,” she’d said, avoiding direct eye contact so as not to lose all her reason. “You’re very sweet, but I can’t accept this.”

“I won’t take it back,” he’d told her, smoothly tucking it into her handbag. “Since you won’t let me pamper you, I have no choice but to help you pamper yourself.”

That’s when she’d made the mistake of looking into his eyes.

Nagi’s very soul had seemed to glow at her through them, blue and sincere. “I know you think I don’t notice these things, my darling, but you’ve been overworking yourself. I can tell just from looking at you how tired you are.”

“Are you saying I look bad?”

“No! Absolutely not!” His face had gone pale. She wasn’t serious, but she also was caving in, and making him sweat a little was the only way she could think of snap them both back into professional mode. “Kaoru, even when you’re dead on your feet, there is no woman in all of Japan who could hold a candle to your radiant beauty. You are as breathtaking as you are brilliant. It’s taken all my professional restraint not to tell you so from the moment I saw you today.”

And, well, that had been that. Whether or not Kaoru spent the rest of the day in a daydreamy, lovestruck haze is immaterial to her current predicament.

Before that day, her thirtieth birthday, it had been easier to imagine that Nagi’s flirting and flattery were all part of his general gregariousness, that his lavish gifts were simply his way of showing appreciation, that his invitations to restaurants and fashion shows and theater were of a professional inclination, even when Momo stopped showing up and it just became the two of them every time. Kaoru hasn’t said yes _every_ time - she’s a busy woman, after all - but she can’t deny how enjoyable it is to be with Nagi, how well they click and how much they have in common. They share the same curiosity about the world, the same passion for what they do, the same sense of competition and ambition, and they had spent those evenings pouring their thoughts and history and hopes and dreams into one another, so much so that by the time Kaoru realized she was being wooed, she had already fallen hopelessly, with no chance of finding her feet again.

Fortunately, she’s no stranger to working off-balance. And she intends to do so, for as long as it takes for her to find her footing. Her career, _his_ career, as always, must come first.

At least, that’s what she’d told herself in the elevator on the way down. _Now_, however….

“Champagne?” Nagi asks, popping the cork and pouring himself a glass.

Kaoru pinches the bridge of her nose. “All right,” she agrees. She’s obviously beyond help, since she got into the car in the first place.

Nagi looks surprised for a split second, and then his face lights up with pleasure. “I had this bottle specially procured from my family’s vineyard in France,” he tells her, tipping it into a flute with all the expertise of a sommelier. She really shouldn’t be surprised by anything anymore when it comes to Nagi, but somehow, he always finds a way to surpass her expectations.

“I suppose it was foolish of me to think you’d be driving, when you offered to pick me up,” she says, gesturing to the limousine.

Nagi’s eyes widen. “Oh, no, this car is much too big,” he says. “You need a special license to drive it, and champagne would certainly be out of the question.”

She raises her eyebrows. “I see.”

Nagi leans in. “Did mademoiselle want to go for a romantic drive, by any chance?”

This is _dangerous_. Kaoru’s heart is fluttering in her chest wildly, a sensation she often feels around Nagi, that lately has been getting worse and worse. She can hardly stop herself from reaching out and touching him, but they _can’t_...they _shouldn’t_….

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she says, covering her mouth to swallow. “Nagi, you know we can’t….I mean, even if work wasn't an issue...I simply can’t date a twenty-two year old when I’m...so much older.”

Nagi winks. “Not to worry! I’m actually twenty-three now.”

“Oh.” She knows that, she realizes, having celebrated his birthday with a shrine of his bromides and a banana cream cake. What kind of fan is she, not even remembering the seminal event of her idol’s birthday…

“So perhaps we’ll go for that drive after all? Shall I pick you up after your luxurious spa weekend?”

He’s impossible, really. But she’s just as bad. After this, she tells herself, she’ll blame it on the champagne, or the heady freedom of a weekend all to herself, or the indulgent air of the limousine. She’ll retract her promises, properly stow away her girlish fantasies, and return to being a hardworking metropolitan woman, with no time for romantic flights of fancy.

She says, “If you must.”

Nagi blinks. She laughs, it looks like she finally managed to catch him by surprise. Serves him right, after everything he’s done to make her second-guess herself.

“Really?” he asks. “_Really_??” He leans forward and clasps her hands in his. “Kaoru, you have just made me the happiest man in Japan.” He really does look it, she thinks faintly, his eyes dazzling, his face flushed pink. She can feel herself getting drawn in, losing her head again.

She thinks, _oh, what the hell_, and leans in and kisses his cheek.

For a moment, she thinks she might actually have rendered him speechless, but only a second passes before his face splits into a positively blinding grin. “Not just Japan,” he corrects himself, “the luckiest man in the _world_. Fate is obviously smiling upon me today as it never has before, I have to remember to grind in MagiCona gacha later...after I drop you off for your weekend of pampering, of course,” he nods to her, still holding her hands, caressing them with such a gentle touch that she can’t find any reason to draw them away just yet.

“Listen,” she says. “Nagi...look, if we do this, it has to be a _secret_.”

Nagi kisses her hands again. “But of course, chérie. It’s no one’s business but our own, anyways.”

Kaoru swallows. “I’m serious, Nagi, you can’t tell anyone. Not even your groupmates.”

She expects him to pause there, to understand the gravity of what they’re on the precipice of, but he simply flashes an impossibly handsome and impish smile at her. “Why in the world would I tell them?”

Kaoru stares at him. Nagi traces her knuckles and her rings with the pad of his thumb. “Is that all you’re worried about? I can keep a secret, you know. I’m very skilled at dealing with matters of diplomacy and sensitivity. Neither Yaotome nor Trigger will hear a whisper of it, you have my word.”

And just like that, she’s wrongfooted again. Nagi has a way of gaining the upper hand with her without even trying, his motives bold and clear where hers are guarded and less certain. His sincerity shines as brightly as his smile, and she wonders how she ever thought she’d really be able to escape falling for him.

Still, she’s a woman of a principle first, and emotion second. “It’s not just my side,” she continues, looking down at their hands, still entwined. She tries not to think about how right it feels. “Nagi, I don’t know how much you know about this. But ...well, I’m a rather big fan of yours. Not just as a friend, or a coworker, but as an idol, your existence has always been very meaningful to me.” She takes a deep breath, then extracts one of her hands and lays it on top of his. “If word ever got out about us, and it impacted your reputation, I just couldn’t forgive myself.”

Nagi sighs out a very long exhale, then shifts in his seat so that their bodies are parallel, rather than facing one another. He makes an inquiring gesture with his hand, one she acquiesces, and he settles it on her knee, smoothing a crease in the silk of her pants with his thumb.

“First of all,” he says, “I don’t see how I, the most beautiful man in Japan, could have my reputation in any way diminished by dating the most beautiful woman in Japan. If you look at the facts, we’re undeniable. I’m certain that all my true fans would agree.”

She blushes. “Nagi - ”

“Secondly,” he goes on, “No one is going to find out unless we want them to. I’m not going to tell anyone, and I know you wouldn’t either. Your sense of professionalism is beyond reproach, Kaoru. It’s what made me fall for you in the first place.”

Kaoru arches an eyebrow. “My sense of professionalism? I thought you said it was my legs.”

Nagi laughs. “That is what attracted me to you, it’s true. And your hair, and your eyes...”

“You can stop there,” she tells him, trying to sound flippant and missing the mark considerably. It’s the same for her, anyways. Nagi is beautiful, anyone can see it, but his looks aren’t what makes her heart seize every time she sees him, they aren’t what makes her hair stand on end everywhere he touches her. Even before they were acquainted, she’s always loved Nagi’s soul the most. It sparkles more vibrantly than even his most dazzling idol smile.

Nagi beams at her now with that same smile. “I trust you, _my girl_,” he says with a wink. “I trust myself. I know we’re meant to be.”

Maybe they are, Kaoru thinks. Trying to avoid falling in love with Nagi is a lot like trying to avoid the rotation of the earth. Which is to say that she’s failing at it miserably, and has been since day one.

Even so, it won’t do to let Nagi know how thoroughly lost for him she is. “If you really trusted me, you’d listen to me when I tell you that _this_,” she gestures to his hand on her knee, to their bodies pressed warmly together, “is not a good idea for either of us.”

“_Oh_!” Nagi gasps, then presses his free hand to his heart in an exaggerated show of offense. “Betrayed! Deceived! Dragged into the street and shot by she who I trusted most!”

Kaoru rolls her eyes and hits him lightly on the arm. She can’t keep the smile off her face, though, which only serves to encourage him.

“Kaoru, my love, if you are my fan as you claimed, then you must know of my sensitive, romantic heart, my poet’s soul,” Nagi continues theatrically, despair seeping into his voice. “You _must_ know, and yet you wound me like this ...I don’t know if I’ll ever recover...”

It shouldn't be cute. None of this should be appealing, Kaoru thinks. She must have truly lost her mind.

“There’s only one thing that can heal me now,” Nagi says. He’s closer, suddenly. His eyes hold hers, and she can’t look away. “Only a kiss from a beautiful princess can mend this broken heart of mine.”

Kaoru Anesagi is many things: a manager, a pragmatist, an Aries. She is, unfortunately, also a human being. She leans into Nagi, places a hand on his chest. His eyes widen, and then soften, and his hand comes up to cradle her jaw as their lips meet.

It’s perfect. She’d always known it would be.

“Oh,” Nagi breathes against her lips. The car is slowing. “We must be arriving.”

Kaoru kisses him again, and he takes her face in both his hands. She’s being greedy, she thinks, but it’s hard to remember why that’s bad when Nagi’s lips are so soft and his breath in her mouth is _so_ sweet.

“Nagi,” she murmurs, lightheaded. He chases her lips, runs his fingers up over the bare skin of her arm, traces them across the strap of her top and then tangles them into the back of her hair. It’s electric, overwhelming, she can’t get enough -

The car stops.

Their kiss breaks, reluctantly. Nagi’s eyes are lidded, his lips shiny. She kisses them one more time, hoping her judgment will return to her once the door to the limousine opens. Nagi kisses her back, biting her lower lip _ever_ so gently, making her sigh out before she can stop herself.

“Yes,” he says, stroking her hair. His smile is warm and satisfied. “Definitely the luckiest man in the world.”

“This feels like a dream,” Kaoru tells him honestly.

“Does it?” Nagi looks thoughtful. “I _have_ had dreams like this - although usually you’re in Cocona cosplay, and there’s no limousine - ”

“Nagi,” she says. “If it’s a dream, I have to wake up now.”

His expression turns shrewd. “Then wake up, chérie. And I,” he kisses her cheek, “will be waiting,” her other cheek, “when you’re ready,” her forehead, “to dream again.”

She stares at him. Behind them, she can hear the sound of her luggage being taken out of the trunk.

“In two days,” he finishes, looking at her somewhat quizzically when she doesn’t respond. “When you’re done? On Sunday?”

“Oh!” She flushes. “Nagi…”

“I’ll leave the limousine at home,” he promises, squeezing her hand. The door opens.

“I could just take a taxi,” she says, but even to her ears it’s depressingly unconvincing.

“Two days is not enough time for even a man of my prodigious skill to become a licensed taxi driver,” Nagi replies. “If you’d like, I can request a yellow car from the rental company.”

“Nagi,” she says again. She means to try another method of dissueding him, but what comes out is, “Are you really sure about this?”

He kisses her hand. “I’ve been certain since the moment I laid eyes on you,” he says. There’s no theatrical inflection in his voice. She knows he’s being serious. “There is no other woman in the world for me, Kaoru. They are all stars, and you are the sun.”

Kaoru’s breath catches in her throat. “I think...I’m going to need some time,” she says, choosing her words carefully. “I still don’t think this is a good idea. But Nagi….from the start, you’ve been my sun too.” She gives him a wry smile. “It’s always been you.”

Nagi laughs, overjoyed. Kaoru can’t believe she actually _told_ him that, but there’s no taking it back now.

“I’ll be thinking of you, my girl.”

“I’ll be thinking of you too,” she tells him. One kiss, and this is what she’s reduced to. Unbelievable.

Nagi shakes his head. “Don’t. Think only of yourself, my love. This weekend is about _you_.”

She laughs. “Fine then, I won’t.”

She will.

“Once you’ve been treated like the queen you are, then we can be about us again,” he says. His tone is playful again. She has to fight against the urge to get back into the limo and kiss that adorable smirk off of his mouth.

“If you say so,” she says. She tosses her hair back. “See you later. Thanks for the ride,” she adds, the most spectacular understatement of her life.

Nagi’s answering smile has her shielding her eyes. “Not at all, chérie. The pleasure was mine.”

He blows her a kiss, and then the window rolls up, and the car pulls slowly away.

***

On Sunday, Kaoru checks out of the spa, and a white Porsche convertible is waiting for her, complete with a dashingly handsome man leaning against it.

At some point, she knows she’ll have to return to reality.

Nagi opens his arms, and just for a few more hours, she thinks, reality can wait.

**Author's Note:**

> why is nagi speaking french? i wish i knew
> 
> thanks for giving this pair some love guys ♥ hope you enjoyed it


End file.
